I was teaching a private sacred shadow retreat in Worcestershire this weekend just gone and I was asked the question, “Is kink and BDSM for everybody?”
Short answer: No!
Not everybody is drawn to explore different aspects of their sexuality and many people are perfectly happy where they are and with what they’re doing with their erotic lives. If someone has no inkling towards kink and BDSM that’s perfectly fine and they should never ever be pressured to explore something they’re not drawn to. For many people, kink simply has no appeal whatsoever. On the other hand, many people are drawn to explore their kinks and we need to make this exploration as safe and sane and judgement-free as we can.
Exploring kinks and fetishes in conscious ways can bring up all kinds of things – emotions, old wounds, insecurities, memories that had been lost or forgotten. To explore these things in a healthy way can lead to great places of self-awareness, self-love and personal power. We can use the tools of Conscious Kink to journey through and release stored pain and trauma as well as greatly enhance our own sex lives. With this in mind, it’s paramount that we find ways to make safe methods of exploration of these ideas as accessible as possible.
I believe most people can benefit from some willful exploration of erotic dynamics even if only to make unconscious patterns more conscious; learn more about how their inner world works; learn more about their own bodies and to become more aware of and more empowered with their personal limits and boundaries.
Most importantly, what is missing from many people’s sex lives is active, engaging communication around boundaries and consent as well as active communication around personal fantasies and desires. I sometimes work with couples who have been together for many years but due to the taboo around talking about sexuality, the people in the couples don’t even know each others’ erotic wishes. Conscious Kink really brings out the ability to communicate with lovers and play partners in ways that less kinky relationships often don’t.
If you’re not drawn to explore kink and BDSM, please be aware that even though these things may look scary from the outside, they can be very empowering, healing and beautiful from the inside. Conscious Kink can be a tool for personal growth, deep healing, erotic connection and also frivolous fun (which can be healing itself!). Conscious and safe exploration by those drawn to it should be actively encouraged and even those who aren’t drawn to it can benefit from some of its principles, ideas and practices.