For the past year, I’ve been running “Getting Conscious With Kink” workshops and Conscious Kink private sessions across Europe, in Bali and across Australia. A beautiful idea that often gets discussed during these times of sharing is that Conscious Kink saves the world.
“How’s that?” you might ask.
Well, for most of our lives most of us have kept our sexual fantasies, kinks, fetishes and sexual truths secret and hidden in shame. In some cases, people have been deeply vilified, ostracised, beaten or even killed for expressing their sexual truths. As a survival mechanism, many of us have had to keep our sexuality including our kinks very secret. Many people across the world for many generations have lived their whole lives without ever having the chance to truly express and explore their sexual truths. How tragic!
Times Are Changing: Bring On the Kink
But times are changing. We are entering a new phase where we as a species are gaining greater understanding of the sexual impulses we have. Kinks aren’t seen as disfunctional traits any more but increasingly as fun and healthy aspects of normal peoples’ sex lives. Further, with social networking becoming increasingly accessible to more and more people, it’s becoming incredibly easy to meet people who have similar or matching kinks; or who at least morally accept our own without passing judgement: brilliant! By connecting with other kinksters we are able to explore these strange fantasies within ourselves and learn what our kinks might mean for us.Explore is the right word here – let’s explore our kinks. Where on earth do kinks originate and how do they get into our heads? Simply put, we don’t know exactly where our fantasies, kinks and fetishes come from. They seem to originate within the depths of our subconscious minds and surface in flashes of impulses, images or (if we suppress them too much) as obsessions. Sometimes a fantasy or kink is fleeting but other times our kinks can be with us for life.
As a species, we still have very little understanding of how our subconscious minds work. It’s a massive and exciting field of research.
As the wonderfully enlightening Australian Conscious Kink & Conscious Erotic Arts practitioner Artemisia De Vine points out, the subconscious space that gives birth to our fantasies is the same place our dreams come from – and – we don’t ever judge ourselves over what takes place in our dreams. Most of us have caused all sorts of mischief in our dream worlds at some stage of our lives. Artemisia reminds us that we don’t harshly judge or feel shame about what our dream selves do even if they perform the most dastardly violent politically incorrect acts. We know on a certain level that our subconscious minds are continually processing all sorts of information and we sometimes get a glimpse in via our dreams.
All day long we’re bombarded with information that rarely gets processed consciously. Let me say that again: we are bombarded! The Guardian suggests the average Londoner sees 3500 (3500!!!!) marketing messages per day. It should be apparent that a percentage of these adverts use sexuality in some way at least to promote their wares and services. We pay very little conscious attention to these ads but the subconscious mind knows. It knows and it stores and it processes in its own magical way. We would never be able to consciously process each advert, let alone each moment of sky we saw, each impulse we felt, each facial expression that we caught out of the corner of our eye. But these flashes of our days often inform our dreams via our subconscious minds.
Dream A Little Dream (Of Me)
Instead of shunning our dream selves, many conscious explorers actually try to understand and interpret their dreams. And sometimes we find meaning and guidance therein. There are countless tomes offering dream analysis in either terms of mysticism or in the language of psychology. When we learn how to understand our dreams, we are learning more about ourselves. And a little self-knowledge goes a long way.And it’s the same with our sexual fantasies – if we attempt to consciously explore them, we are exploring a part of our subconscious minds and thus we are gaining personal insights, self-knowledge and thus wisdom about our own journeys through our world. We are bringing the subconscious processing into the conscious mind for understanding, for exploring and for gaining greater self-awareness. Great!
The corollary of this is when some people deny their fantasies and fetishes. If people have secret fantasies and sexual impulses that they never admit, they can tend to fester within and come out in the most horrendous, unconscious and destructive ways. A strong example of this is found in the sex-denying religions and their countless ongoing problems with the priestly abuse of innocents. Much has been written about and it’s beyond the scope of my friendly post to open that up here. (But Google can help you if you want more information or if this revelation has somehow slipped you by.)Some common religious rules which I’m sure you’ve heard include
* a ban on homosexuality,
* a ban on sex outside wedlock,
* a ban on sex before wedlock,
* no anal sex,
* no sex during the woman’s period,
* and many more.
Many religions preach that following our sexual impulses is “ungodly” and some teach us that God will punish us by burning in Hell for all eternity. What The Fuck?
My good friend and colleague Lilith Of The Wildwood writes, “The suggestion that sex is a sin, that will lead people to the gates of hell, ensures that the sexual experience is short and to the point (merely for making babies) – leaving no time to take pleasure, to breathe deeply, and to fully explore the process without guilt. This keeps people away from the path of personal divinity via the experience of ecstasy.”
Conscious Kink Does What?
Those religions that preach denial of the body and denial of sexuality are a complete bane on our species and when they are preaching for the denial of the bodily instinct, they need to be confronted at every tnurn. As a global human culture, we need to break free of the control these organisations have. We have the chance to discover, explore and celebrate our own unique sexual identity in any way we see fit! And by making our exploration conscious and consensual we can ensure that the benefits will be felt by all as our inner joy and calm emanate out of our smiles and being.
The suppression of natural sexual gratification leads to various kinds of substitute gratifications. Natural aggression, for example, becomes brutal sadism which then is an essential mass-psychological factor in imperialistic wars.” ~ Wilhelm Reich ~ The Mass Psychology of Fascism
People who have denied their sexuality and kinks are easier to control. It is easier to get them to join armies, rape and kill strangers and try to prove their worth in ways that go against the natural grain of the human spirit. If someone’s sexuality is controlled, it’s easier to get them to bomb “infidels”, “non-believers”, and “terrorists” without a moment of empathy. Churches have always controlled their flocks by telling them what is allowed and what isn’t. We need to find conscious, healthy ways to break free of this control and start our own journeys of discovery.
The only conclusion then, is that by consciously engaging with those aspects of ourselves that we have otherwise hidden from; we’re going to end up being healthier, more integrated beings living in a healthier, more integrated society. We’re going to know more about ourselves and each other and we’re going to be able to function more readily in our world. Further, if we’re engaging with our kinks and fetishes consciously, they’re less likely to come out in unconscious and destructive ways.
Great thinkers have been saying as much for one hundred years or more! But we live in a different time and this idea needs to be told once more for the modern age. These ideas need to be explored further, with a new audience of people who are conscious and willing to explore within themselves. Times are changing and the world needs people who can be true to themselves and break out of all forms of mental and subconscious oppression. And it’s such a beautiful feeling to find someone who actively wants to explore our kinks with us. It’s a total delight and treat to be able to go on conscious kinky journeys and explore the landscapes of our own inner worlds.
If you want to talk about your own journey into kink, please be in touch. I’m available for workshops and sessions across the world (and currently based in London) <3 Keep shining! With big hugs from Seani Love