Miss T writes some beautiful words about her experiences at the Shadow Tantra workshop in Brighton (East Sussex, UK) two weekends ago.
“I have been trying to find a way to articulate my experiences at the Exploring Shadow Tantra workshop last weekend; it is hard to encompass what was encompassed so well for us by Seani, Hanna and Anna-Marie, and so consciously.
I could not imagine that I would have felt safe enough and supported enough to explore what we did as a group together. Especially given the constrictions of the PTSD that I have long been struggling with. And that with a group of people I had never met before… but wonderful people, and an extremely skilfully held space that allowed me to be freer than I have been in a long time. In some ways, freer than I have ever been.
It is hard to adequately describe the process I was taken through, in so many unfolding stages. Something in my brain and emotions unfolded as well. During the night after the first day, different memories presented themselves to me, and though I did not really understand their significance, they were all clearly connected with the work we had done that day. My understanding was not required – the changes were happening without it.
After a wonderful Sunday morning of further exploration, some fears I did not know I carried bubbled up. Seani had reiterated to us several times that we were encouraged to express all emotions that came up over the weekend. They were not easy to say – in other hands I would have felt ashamed to speak them, but he listened openly and his response was exactly what I needed hear. I did not realise that the events of the weekend could bring about such huge shifts in myself; but then followed an afternoon of seismic experiences! I found myself drifting in an entirely blissful space that allowed those fears, along with some traumas, to gently release.
And here I am three days later, transformed. I hoped for some healing from the workshop, but I never realised I could travel so far so quickly. I was not sure I could ever reach this point. Due to some difficult experiences, my sexuality had been locked away from me for a long time – a situation that had been worsening for some years. That is so far from true now! I believe the effects will continue to unfold for some time.
There is a high hormonal happiness dancing a rumba through my system two days later! And from someone who is perpetually cold and wears thick socks in bed (due to illness often throughout the Summer too) – I have been running with energy and heat! My hands and feet were burning up the last two nights! Huge amounts of energy – look out World! (Coming back and reading this after four days, my system has calmed down, but I am still warm and cosy in bed – unheard of for me at this time of year. It is a physical healing as well as emotional.)
Something on the work on boundaries… amazingly useful for every single day. I can remember being so puzzled by boundaries and what they constituted (other than brick walls) that I looked them up on google a couple of years ago. I had made some progress, but they still were in need of so much work. It is not just that they are firmer, or that I can find my own personal limits more easily. I now see them in an entirely new light and I have realised so many things about them that had never occurred to me… How there are different boundaries about the same thing (from different internal perspectives). How they can change from day to day and even minute to minute (patently obvious one day into the workshop)! And now I am starting to see how much fun can be had there – once they are more consciously grounded they can be played with and pushed consciously. This feels like the start of new journey stretching ahead of me that I am extremely grateful to be on.
One last thing to add. I had never really found my dominant voice. I have looked for it for the benefit of partners, and appreciated it through their enjoyment. One of the exercises exploring this I found very challenging – but during the very last session of the weekend I found a different approach that felt right for me – that I could feel my (true) self in and that I loved working with. For its own sake as well as for the enjoyment of the person I was working with.
I was right – the words are inadequate, but they go a small way towards describing some of the things that blossomed forth.”
Thank you Miss T ! It was a blessing and a pleasure to have you on the workshop with us. So happy to read about how transformational it has been for you. Hope to see you again soon!