Short version: Neither of us never do anything we don’t want to do. Finding out what we really like can be a very powerful and essential journey.
Updated: November, 2016
Your boundaries during private sessions
Your personal boundaries are the most important part of any private session. Sadly, in our societies we are not usually empowered to know how to navigate boundaries or ask for consent or deal with rejection in healthy ways. Therefore, a big part of starting a session is the establishing of boundaries and of ensuring you are empowered enough to communicate about boundaries and limits during our time together. I need to know you are able to assert your boundaries as we come near them. This is for our mutual protection.
If you aren’t sure about your boundaries, then as we explore we will make a distinction between hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are the definite no-go areas. Soft limits are the areas we experiment with in order for you to experience different sensations in your own body. This will give you a much better idea of what you do and don’t like.
“If you can’t say no, you can never really say yes” – Rebecca Lowrie
Many sessions are set up for the exact purpose of helping you find and then express your own body’s boundaries. I’m delighted that many of my clients get a chance to express their boundaries for the first time in their lives.If this sounds like something you need, please get in touch to arrange a session.
Many people have never learnt how to express a deeply empowered “No” and this is such a sad thing. Through a careful set of mutually agreed exercises, the empowered “No” can be found within you and from there, your “Yes” is also much more powerful. Your whole life can be transformed by simply learning how to recognise and then communicate the kinds of touch you do – and don’t – like.
My Boundaries during private sessions
As a practitioner engaging in kinky, spiritual and erotic activity with clients, it’s very important to know what my personal boundaries are:
- I do not receive any genital contact the first time I meet a client – A first session is about you, and your ability to receive, for us to be sure we can communicate, to ensure you are empowered with your boundaries. Until I meet you and know you a little, I don’t know that you are empowered with your boundaries and for this reason I do not receive any genital contact if it’s the first time I meet you. I do not take get naked if I haven’t met you before. A first meeting does not involve my direct erotic pleasure. The only exception to this is if you’ve been to a workshop or similar of mine and I feel confident that boundaries can be freely expressed.
- I do not receive any genital contact with male clients – I am heterosexual and whilst I am happy to give all kinds of kinky and erotic services, I do not receive erotic touch from male clients.
- Either of us can say ‘no’ to an activity we had previously said ‘yes’ to. The reverse is not true. In other words, if we set a boundary at the beginning of a session, that boundary will be held all the way through that session. Again, this is for our mutual protection.
Clear and strong boundaries help both of us to always know we are safe. It is only through feeling safe that people can start to go deeper on a journey into erotic surrender, emotional release and sexual empowerment.
Boundaries at Workshops
As my dear friend and teacher Rebecca Lowrie once told me, “When people say ‘No’ to some experience, they are really saying ‘Yes’ to themselves”. There are few things more empowering. It’s this level of self-empowerment that I’m really after ensuring my clients are comfortable with.
For this reason, the first 2 or so hours of my sexuality ank kink workshops are dedicated to finding, nurturing and honouring the boundaries within each participant.
Different workshops will have different amounts of erotic content and differing amounts of genital contact. To be precise, genital contact is never expected and you never have to do anything you don’t want to do at one of my workshops. But then some workshops do focus on genital contact so be sure to know what you’re signing up for. Expected intimacy levels at workshops will usually be included in the text for any workshop I’m involved with.
I do not engage erotically outside the workshop space with participants who have been to a private workshop of mine in the past three months unless there is an established prior relationship. This is considered the minimum cooling off period after a heated and erotically-charged event. This time frame will be expected of my workshop assistants too. If there is attraction or if participants wish to explore further, please ask about private sessions. Note that I tour a lot and particular workshop promoters might have their own requirements that differ from my own. In these cases the promoter’s rules will take priority as I’ll do my best to fit in to the local community I’m visiting.